I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Michael Bay diarrhea
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
