She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
