Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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