Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
