she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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