walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
