Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
