Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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