she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
