"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
