Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Never underestimate the power of titties
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