How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
