I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
