Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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