i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
