what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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