no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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