So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
