you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
