My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
