When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
