you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
