I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
