Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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