make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
