So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
