real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need to sanitize my soul.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
