he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
