ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
