Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I pour the whiskey from now on
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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