Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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