Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
