Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
