I didn't shave. On purpose
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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