Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
