At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
