Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
