I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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