The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
