why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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