News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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