Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
