dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
