I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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