If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
