All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
