if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
