I'm eating all of the evidence.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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