I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
