We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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