If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
one might say we're banned from that church
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
